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Insecurity

7 May 2010

TGIF.

Man, it’s been a long week.

Not too much planned for this weekend, but you know how that goes.

—–

I think it’s time for a really honest post about how I feel about my shop.  About how I feel when I think about owning my own business.  About what I want to get out of it.  If only to have these things memorialized so that I can look back and think, silly.

{} I am terrified of failing. There is nothing worse, in my opinion.  My type-A self tells me I must march along, always taking that next step UPward, not FORward. If I fail at this, it will be my first official failure of something that means anything to me.  And that’s unacceptable.

{} Handmade goods are so subjective in their acceptance, much like art.  What I think is a great design and execution you may think looks like total crap.  The pressure to always create things that make my customers {and really, more importantly and specific to this particular insecurity, to my critics} say “wow” is substantial.  I’ve never liked pressure despite my type-Aness.  Procrastination does not work for me, for instance.  And I don’t label myself “creative”, so the creating portion is a tough one for me to swallow.

{} How do I plan to define success?  Is it reaching a certain sales goal?  Is it getting one of my items published in a national magazine?  Or on a fantastic blog like dooce?  I think this one will take some working out.

{} I want to pursue growing my business while also not neglecting J, family, friends, my DOGS. Working full time and then coming home and trying to run a business is hard, and I’ve only made 25 sales!  If I become more successful {here I suppose I’m defining success as more sales}, how will I cope with the necessary changes I will need to make to my lifestyle outside of my 9 to 5* ?

And the biggie:

{} What if I’m just not good enough?

Whew.  I feel relief now that I’ve written those down.  Like the insecurity is less crippling.

I say, bring on the weekend!

* It’s actually my 7 to 4:30 but that’s just too depressing to write.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. 7 May 2010 8:50 am

    Wow. Just seeing “7-4:30” depresses me, too. I spend more time in my cube than in my own bed. Ew.

    It takes a lot to put your fears in a post. It’s kind of a trend I’ve been seeing this week- women bloggers are stepping outside of their roles as crafters/brides/moms and talking about themselves; what they want, need and fear. I think it’s always good to be aware. AND. I also think that worries are good because it shows that we care about ourselves and our goals. If we didn’t worry, we’d be zombies. But that doesn’t count because they worry about brains! Damn.

    I hope my “D-I-Y DIE!” post didn’t cause any insecurities for you. And personally, I think you are so creative. You think outside the box, you’re always ready for a challenge, and you enjoy growing. Again, I think it’s good to be reflective, but also step outside on occasion to see the awesome things you’re doing for you, J, the babies (er, puppies) and your family.

    Have an awesome weekend! And next time I want to write you a book, I’ll just email!

    • 7 May 2010 10:57 am

      Absolutely – I think worrying just motivates me more, really. I think a lot of people in my “real” life think that I try to “find” things to worry about, and part of that may be true, but I think mostly it boils down to always wanting to improve. every. part. of. my. life. Ha.

      You have an awesome weekend as well!

  2. 8 May 2010 10:07 am

    If I ran a buisness of my own, I would feel exactly the same! Hang in there though! I think you’ve had a piece of success already with 2 articles and 25 sales in 3 months! That’s fantastic! Hang in there! I’m your biggest fan!

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